THEY RELAPSED!… Now What?

Your loved one just got out of treatment.  They look GREAT, they sound calm, their mindset is thankful and humble.  This is everything you hoped it would be!

They start getting overwhelmed. Maybe frustrated at work. They start skipping meetings and saying no one is available to hang out and “those people don’t know what they’re talking about anyway.”  You know what’s coming, but are holding on to slivers of hope.

It happens. They relapse.  Now what?

FIRST: do not panic. A relapse is not a failure, it’s just information. Your loved one is not at “ground zero” or “starting over.” It’s not falling down the whole staircase, it’s stepping off one step and getting back on. Shame and belief that they blew it will only keep them down longer. This isn’t the end of the world (although it feels like it).

Second: DO NOT argue, beg, or lecture.  They already know they messed up.  It also saves you a lot of mental and emotional energy by not trying to convince an actively using addict that they are in fact using drugs.  They know it, you know it, and they’ll rarely ever admit it.  They don’t have to admit it for you to know the facts.

Third: take action immediately.  Go back to structure.  You’ve learned the hard way how to enforce boundaries.  Rely on that right away.  No chaos or negotiating & no drama.  A relapse, no matter what the circumstances, doesn’t erase the wisdom you earned and the rules that work for your family.

Fourth: DO NOT rescue them from consequences.  I know they’ve been trying hard.  Do take away a learning opportunity by softening bad decisions.  Addiction is not comfortable. Pain is part of recovery and the growth that happens because of it is necessary for success.

Finally, hold on to hope!  Recovery is a process, not an event.  What you do in the days following a relapse matters immensely.

If you’re unsure of what to do, we’re always here for you.  Join us at FAAD on Thursday nights at 7:00pm at 4352 W. Sylvania Ave., Toledo, OH 43623 or join virtually here.